ALOHA

I am back! Probably saying this a lot on here but I needed a break from everything. Back in the old year I was feeling not too good myself, I had not only health issues, also a lot on my mind and my thoughts didn't let me be happy for a long time. How ever I am better now, haven't felt this good about myself for a long time. Maybe this only because spring is slowly arriving and the sun is pushing everything in a better light.
So with this new year and a new me, I decided I want to something else on here. Well not something completely new, I just decided that I wanted to write more about something that I always feel writing about; Music.
That is just something that I am comfortable sharing my experiences with, even though there have been times that bad things happened at concerts, like falling unconscious at a Arctic Monkeys show or songs that remind me of sad times. But isn't this also a good thing? Doesn't it also remind you that you are better off now than that you were before?
For me music is nearly everything, I've met my best friend at a music festival and some of my best memories are connected to a song or an event that had to do with music, like a concert or lying in the gras under the starlights.
Well, I won't say this blog is going to be just about music, there will be always things that I want to talk about and that cannot be left unsaid. It is just something that takes a big part up of my life, so I want share with others.
I think that's it, for now. I think I will be back soon, next month is a lot going on!

Oh and for getting into the friday mood, a song from a support act from last week's concert I went to;

Juliet - James Hersey

___________________________

BYE 

School

Back to school. That is a term so many of us despise because we might just had the summer of our lives. Motivation isn't really there because you know those first days in school are absolute for nothing, because you are just sitting there and EVERY teacher is repeating the rules of the school and saying you what new stuff you need for the new year (or they like to talk about their holidays, which is something do not really want to hear). For me, I haven't either the summer of my life nor did I have much motivation for going to a new school. Even though firstly I was excited to go, as soon as I saw the class list and found out they put me in a class with  fifteen year old girls and that in the class wasn't be found one single boy - only 26 girls - my motivation dropped pretty much.

But here I am, nearly four months later, soon it is christmas. The time there at this school wasn't as bad, as I expected it to be but none the less, I am excited for winter vacation which starts this friday.
I really need this holidays, this school takes up a lot of my energy which led me to be sick quiet frequently. It is not just the school work there, the people there I have met slowly drive me crazy. Sometimes I do not know what to say or what to do, to make things right because in the end it seems like all that I do turns out wrong. I am so glad that this is the last week this year I am spending there, I really want to get away and spend my time with things that aren't school related and do again what I love.

Reading
Sleeping
Spending time with my friends
Going to the cinema
Snowboarding
Drawing
Tea
Good food
...
just things that make me forget those challenges I have to face everyday at school, even though it isn't always related to work there I have to keep up with, as I say persons there drive me literally crazy.

In order to keep my mind a little bit of school and those things that happen that place, I am going to blog I little bit over the holidays, because you know, I think I might have time for it again.

Why do I find myself
In a place like this
hopeless
alone
sad
Everything here reminds me
of a place
far back in time
Melancholia
wraps its cold fingers
again
around my trembling body.

BLACK

It is strange how fast things can change, turn from good to bad:
Once again I find myself after a short great time in that black hole again, where I feel empty and sad. I do not even know why, just yesterday I had one of those really good times, I fell in love all over again. But now, not even twenty-four hours later, everything seems impossible to cope with. And in times like these, where I just need somebody to listen, not a soul seem to have time to sit down for a little chat. It would help a lot, writing down doesn't do it for a long time, it's only a short time relief.
Yesterday, I told myself that I would stop with the bad habits that are destroying myself, because I felt on top of the world and I though I could do it. But here I am, breaking the promises I made myself, listening to sad songs.

Why does it seem like that the good times only last a short time and the bad times come around much more often?

I FEEL LIKE CRYING

I am turning eighteen in about forty-nine hours for crying out loud. I makes me so nervous to know that I am going to be an adult in so little time and it scares me. With every second the date of my birth gets nearer also my nervousness grows in my chest. I do not know if I should be excited or if I should be wishing for a little bit more time before I am a grown-up. Not mentally, hell no, sometimes I wish I could be forever six-teen, because when I look back to the time I was sixteen, those have been the easiest days in my life.
And now that it is coming to my eighteenth birthday, I realise once more how difficult and stressful it can be having divorced parents. I want to see them both for my birthday, but my dad is not at home as well not over the weekend, which leaves only thursday night for having dinner together. And that leaves only friday noon for my mother to celebrate with me, because in the evening I am out with some friends of mine. Well I said my dad wouldn't be around over the weekend: It could be cool having the home all to myself, for having a party, but tonight I made another realisation: It actually sucks to have your birthday in mid-july: The most part of the friends I wanted to invite are away in just some exotic place, chilling out in the sun at the beach.
And this whole situation of organising a party and handling my birthday, is stressing me out so much, I feel I am getting sick. Not only mentally, physically as well. I am always tired even if I did sleep for over ten hours and I feel my throat is hurting again.
This probably all a big mistake, because I am already whining about on my blog and this so not going to be fun for me. Why should I be positive about a thing that leaves me so unhappy before it actually happened?