Friendship.

The last few days I met a lot of new people and I think I found some new friends. I already knew someone out of my class before and we really got to know each other the last couple of weeks and I love her to pieces. If I am honest, I lost contact with her (we went to school together once) and it is amazing how people find each other again, after not hearing from either one for more than a year.
Anyways, the last couple of days, I thought a lot about friendship and what it means to have a good, functional friendship. Sometimes friendship needs the same amount of attention like a relationship does. Mostly because it is some sort of relationship, just with friends and you haven't got a real commitment to them. That isn't in every friendship the case, even most of them are easy and you give and take without you even knowing. Some friendships come with a huge amount of commitment (that shouldn't really be there, as I said before) and dedication, just because you like them a lot and you want to befriended with them it doesn't mean it is easy. Some people need a lot of time until they open up to you and you really get to know them. Mostly, those are the (drunk) late night talks you have to them, when they feel secure. I have to admit, I am not an easy person to be a friend of, sometimes I can give some people a really hard time, maybe because I do not know how to handle the situation or I do not want to open up to them.
Lately, when I talked to my friend (who goes to school with me now) over a gin-tonic about how we all have bad side to us and what we think is ours. And I said that I hate it when someone invades my personal space, someone I do not really know is touching me or want to hug me. That I something I really do not like about myself, because in the end I think I push people away with my behaviour, I should be more open minded. I do not mean with that I should let people easily get into my life, I just think that I should lower my walls a little bit more. With people I barely know, I normally do not share any personal things out of my life. Except, I feel comfortable with, which happened with the very true friends I still have by side.
But as such talks go on, you learn that the friend that really know, live with all you faults and how you do not like yourself how you are; they accept you, sometimes more than you ever will accept yourself.

Pattern/ Summer day

   

t-shirt H&M

skirt VINTAGE

belt H&M

sandals HALLHUBER

I do no feel like writing today so I rather show what I am wearing. Tomorrow is my birthday and I feel so not motivated for all this celebration that is planed. 

 

I FEEL LIKE CRYING

I am turning eighteen in about forty-nine hours for crying out loud. I makes me so nervous to know that I am going to be an adult in so little time and it scares me. With every second the date of my birth gets nearer also my nervousness grows in my chest. I do not know if I should be excited or if I should be wishing for a little bit more time before I am a grown-up. Not mentally, hell no, sometimes I wish I could be forever six-teen, because when I look back to the time I was sixteen, those have been the easiest days in my life.
And now that it is coming to my eighteenth birthday, I realise once more how difficult and stressful it can be having divorced parents. I want to see them both for my birthday, but my dad is not at home as well not over the weekend, which leaves only thursday night for having dinner together. And that leaves only friday noon for my mother to celebrate with me, because in the evening I am out with some friends of mine. Well I said my dad wouldn't be around over the weekend: It could be cool having the home all to myself, for having a party, but tonight I made another realisation: It actually sucks to have your birthday in mid-july: The most part of the friends I wanted to invite are away in just some exotic place, chilling out in the sun at the beach.
And this whole situation of organising a party and handling my birthday, is stressing me out so much, I feel I am getting sick. Not only mentally, physically as well. I am always tired even if I did sleep for over ten hours and I feel my throat is hurting again.
This probably all a big mistake, because I am already whining about on my blog and this so not going to be fun for me. Why should I be positive about a thing that leaves me so unhappy before it actually happened?

Hamburger Bahnhof - Berlin

I have been in Berlin, again, a few weekends ago. This time was just a little bit different, I did only went for three short days and I got to go with a good friend of mine. Still with my mother but we had some space and could do for most of the time what we wanted. Which included shopping, eating and strolling around the city. Sometimes we even didn't know where we were going.
After those intense days I was so happy I got home safely and could sleep again in my very own bed.

So Berlin: The city is so interesting but not a bit pretty. Yes, there might be some places who are nice to look at, but for the most part... not so much. But that's not why you go to Berlin. It's because you want to feel the energy of the city and how is changing every time you go. I have been in October for the first time and a lot has changed in only those eight months. The people are different, they are lovely non the less. They are openminded and nice to everyone. Most who live there have a smile plastered on their faces, which I find impossible in a city like this.
As I said I saw so many things, most of the places we were I have visited before, mostly because my friend never has been to Berlin and she wanted to see those things as well. Not that I did mind, I love the places we revisited and I got to discover new things.
One of the places we were was the 'Hamburger Bahnhof', which is the oldest train station in Berlin, but it got turned in into an museum for modern art. And how the transformed it, how the building works together with the artwork is amazing. It is hard to describe in words but I love it so much, I wished I could have stayed a little longer

Fire/Feuer - Martin Honert 

Mirage/ Fata Morgana - Martin Honert 

The English Teacher  - Martin Honert 

All of the pictures above I have taken back in October, all made in the main hall, where all the changing exhibitions take place. 

There are many places in Berlin I haven't seen yet and I will definitely go back more than once in the future. I have a feeling that this city is going to be one of my favourites among London and my own hometown Zurich, because it is so different from those two, still searching its very own personality.

Remember: My Birthday is coming up in twelve days, yeah.

- I promise

I know I haven't written in ages and I have only to blame myself for it. I am not really busy at the time, so much time to spare and the only thing that is stressing me out is if I should wake up before ten or if should I sleep in. Again. I have that certain feeling, if I sleep longer than ten o'clock I would do nothing productive or active for the rest of the day and I end up watching a whole season of a series that I do not even like.
When it is time for dinner and my parents ask what I did the hole day, I have to pretend I did not hear them asking, they would forget anyways after my brother rescued me, or I say that I wrote so much for my blog, which I... did not really do.
Well I did, I have a lot of drafts, but I do not feel like finishing them off and publishing them. Certainly I am to lazy and in the end I feel guilty for not putting anything up on to my blog.
Although in the end that is something I do only for myself and I told myself that I won't give ip on this thing to fast.
So from now on, my dear Rag-Bag, I shall take a little bit more care of you and update at least once a week until the end of summer. - I promise

Oh and before I forget, my birthday is in sixteen days, that's the daily reminder to everyone.

'Neues Museum' Berlin - My work

  

I have taken this pictures back in October when I was in Berlin for a few days and I was impressed by the city and how it is still searching its identity. At every corner there is a story to be told and on many old buildings you can still see the signs from long lost times. As you can see them on the building of the 'Neue Museum', there still many scars of the war and many lost treasures, but it was still really impressive. I have taken so so so many pictures there, but I still managed to pic very few for now.

Being productive and Procrastination

For many the year/semester is ending by the beginning of summer and with the end many tests and exams are coming up. Well, my time at school has already ended... But I have next week as well an important CAE exam, for which I am currently revising for.

And personally for me and probably for a lot of students , studying comes always in package with something else: Procrastination. 

In the past, before this year art school, I ended up pretty often on tumblr or somewhere else on this Internet and I did hardly anything for upcoming test or projects. Which led me to an all-nighter the night before the due time for the project or to a bad grade. 

Anyway, within this year at this school I had hardly any studying to do. Mostly the work was done in school and what I did at home was more or less additional and something I did not mind to do. So with that I could concentrate revising for my upcoming English Exam and I could try out what works best for me when I am revising. 

• Unplug yourself: With 'unplug' I mean shut everything down that could distract you from what you should be doing. Always when I am revising I turn off my computer and put my phone on flight mode. The internet is a dangerous place to loose time and get caught off with cute kittens instead of Math. 
• The right place: Search a place where you feel comfortable. For me works best a solid table and a room that gets enough air and light. When the weather is warm enough and the sun is shining, I have an nice place outside on our terrace. 

In winter I used to sit at the very end of the dining table so I could look on the lake. When you open the window it feels like you are sitting outside.

• Be organised: Before you start, collect all the things you might be needing for the task you need to complete. I get to easily distracted when I have to search something during a 'revising session' because other things are way more interesting than calculating. 
• Make a playlist: Yes, for some music can be distracting while working, but music helps me to focus on the task. When there wouldn't be music I would get to distracted by the silence and my own thoughts (if that makes sense). 

          Here are a few songs I revise to;         Junior Walker & The All Stars - Cleo's Mood 

                                                                     The xx - Sunset 

                                                                      Young Man - Unfair

                                                                      The Gorillaz - Rhinestone Eyes   

                                                                      The Ramones - I Remember You   

                                                                      Florence + the Machine - What the Water Gave Me 

• Food and beverages: Prepare a little snack (in case you get hungry or bored) and bring a bottle of water as well. Staying hydrated is important! 
• BREAK: I always plan little breaks into my 'sessions'. Not long ones, sometimes it even just helps when I have a quick dance party to my music. 
• After you are finished (or in the process) I recommend making a list of the things you have done and on what you think you could improve. Yes, to do list might help, but for me those do not work, I feel as it would force me and I think learning and revising is in the end something we do all for ourselves, so it is more or less something we do all voluntary. 

And if you have to work on your computer, then try to avoid the internet, unless it is necessary: For that I have always post-its on my side so I can write down all the sides that caught my eye and I think I could visit afterwards and things I have to look up later, because I tend to forget those things. 

Because for me the Internet is the most distracting thing ever.