Getting online - Dating Diaries (1)

This summer I got myself back into the game of dating. It has been a while, since I have put myself out there like this, ready to meet some new people. Probably because the last time I did it, I ended up putting to much energy in it and being heartbroken for way too long. This summer I learned to love myself again and to be a bit more self-confident about the person I am, so I though I am ready to go out again with someone I barely know.

So I joined 'Tinder'. You might say, for most it is only an App to find an easy opportunity to have sex, but for me, I wasn't looking for that thing. Yes, sometimes things could lead up to this, but isn't it the same way in real life? If you are saying, it is only about how looks and only choosing the ones that are attractive in your eyes, than you are completely right. But this not an argument you use against those who are on the App, just because you think it is superficial. 

The thing is, first we always judge people based on their looks and on their body language, because we haven't talked to them. We don't know how they talk and what their deal is, we don't know just by one single look at them what their characteristics are. 

It is like an avocado, you don't really know if they are any good by just looking at them. Sometimes they turn out to be just perfect for you guacamole. On the other hand, sometimes they are foul and nothing you are willing to mix with the rest of the ingredients. 

I always like to think of 'Tinder' like this giant, virtual bar. Isn't it quite the same, only without the struggle of getting out of conversations and situations you don't want to be in?
You walk past the one's you don't want to talk to and you have this invitation for a conversation with those people you think are just your type.
Matching each other is the first step. When we compare it again to the bar, it is like the looks you give each other and the sly smile that appears on either face. A sign that implies a first liking to the other person. Well, okay I am not here to list down the basic things of flirting, those are all things we already knew. I am just comparing and stating, that in a way you can avoid certain trouble that you get in real life, for example, miss-reading the signals.
Please note, I am not stating it as safer, it just depends on which intentions you have.
A few guys put their aim right from the beginning out there, they don't really want to know you as a person, they just want to have sex with you. How ever, in my experience that happens not that often as you expect it would. A lot of them try to get to know you (even just a little bit) and they want to meet you.
However, before I meet a guy, I want to know a bit more about them. I never make plans with someone I just said hello to. That would be actually the same for me in reality: I don't go with someone, I just met on the streets. Yes, to get in touch, you might exchange a number or an email-adress or something you can connect, but I wouldn't agree immediately on going out together, just after the first message. It is also easier for me on the date itself, because I know already a certain things and I can ask some good questions. It is easier to have a conversation with someone you already know a tiny bit, than a complete stranger. At least it is for me.

I think, especially for shy people like me, Apps like these aren't such a bad thing. It might sound silly, but they helped me to open up a bit more. It gave me a possibility to meet new people, I wouldn't have the chance to meet. Or the guts, to walk up to them and talk to them.
Yes, there will always be a down side of all this, there'll always be some bad experience. But from that experiences you learn, grow and evolve in new, greater things.
You probably won't undergo the same things I did, the stories you write are as unique as you are.
So these are mine, maybe there is someone that can relate to that. However it will not be the same for them as it is for me.

IT HAS BEEN A YEAR

A lot has happened this past year, since I have last written on this blog. It has been a year where I haven't been able to write, to draw or to do anything creative, really.

I have fallen in and out of love so many times, I have had my heartbroken (and I swear it still hurts sometimes. Probably it will never stop, it will just get easier with time. Like they say, time does not heal everything, it just helps you to cope), got diagnosed with depression and an other mental disorder (with is not severe, but it is still there) and I am about to change school AGAIN. Not my goals have changed, only the path to get there took another turn.
All in all, many up's and down's. Probably I have cried more than I've laughed and slept. That's another thing I am still struggling with; Insomnia will never let me in peace. There have been weeks where I could sleep like a baby, but sleeplessness always comes back at me. What ever.
How ever, that's all okay now, I know how to cope and how to handle things. Still, sometimes it is very rough and everything seems hopeless, but there will be always better times and I know I am not alone in this. I have so much support from my family and from my wonderful friends.
They remind me who I am, in times I cannot recognise myself anymore.
There are many things to be happy about rather than be sad.
Maybe there is always a reason to give up, but there will be thousand more not to, and to keep on fighting.
The best is still to come. 
I am back.