Pattern/ Summer day

   

t-shirt H&M

skirt VINTAGE

belt H&M

sandals HALLHUBER

I do no feel like writing today so I rather show what I am wearing. Tomorrow is my birthday and I feel so not motivated for all this celebration that is planed. 

 

I FEEL LIKE CRYING

I am turning eighteen in about forty-nine hours for crying out loud. I makes me so nervous to know that I am going to be an adult in so little time and it scares me. With every second the date of my birth gets nearer also my nervousness grows in my chest. I do not know if I should be excited or if I should be wishing for a little bit more time before I am a grown-up. Not mentally, hell no, sometimes I wish I could be forever six-teen, because when I look back to the time I was sixteen, those have been the easiest days in my life.
And now that it is coming to my eighteenth birthday, I realise once more how difficult and stressful it can be having divorced parents. I want to see them both for my birthday, but my dad is not at home as well not over the weekend, which leaves only thursday night for having dinner together. And that leaves only friday noon for my mother to celebrate with me, because in the evening I am out with some friends of mine. Well I said my dad wouldn't be around over the weekend: It could be cool having the home all to myself, for having a party, but tonight I made another realisation: It actually sucks to have your birthday in mid-july: The most part of the friends I wanted to invite are away in just some exotic place, chilling out in the sun at the beach.
And this whole situation of organising a party and handling my birthday, is stressing me out so much, I feel I am getting sick. Not only mentally, physically as well. I am always tired even if I did sleep for over ten hours and I feel my throat is hurting again.
This probably all a big mistake, because I am already whining about on my blog and this so not going to be fun for me. Why should I be positive about a thing that leaves me so unhappy before it actually happened?

Hamburger Bahnhof - Berlin

I have been in Berlin, again, a few weekends ago. This time was just a little bit different, I did only went for three short days and I got to go with a good friend of mine. Still with my mother but we had some space and could do for most of the time what we wanted. Which included shopping, eating and strolling around the city. Sometimes we even didn't know where we were going.
After those intense days I was so happy I got home safely and could sleep again in my very own bed.

So Berlin: The city is so interesting but not a bit pretty. Yes, there might be some places who are nice to look at, but for the most part... not so much. But that's not why you go to Berlin. It's because you want to feel the energy of the city and how is changing every time you go. I have been in October for the first time and a lot has changed in only those eight months. The people are different, they are lovely non the less. They are openminded and nice to everyone. Most who live there have a smile plastered on their faces, which I find impossible in a city like this.
As I said I saw so many things, most of the places we were I have visited before, mostly because my friend never has been to Berlin and she wanted to see those things as well. Not that I did mind, I love the places we revisited and I got to discover new things.
One of the places we were was the 'Hamburger Bahnhof', which is the oldest train station in Berlin, but it got turned in into an museum for modern art. And how the transformed it, how the building works together with the artwork is amazing. It is hard to describe in words but I love it so much, I wished I could have stayed a little longer

Fire/Feuer - Martin Honert 

Mirage/ Fata Morgana - Martin Honert 

The English Teacher  - Martin Honert 

All of the pictures above I have taken back in October, all made in the main hall, where all the changing exhibitions take place. 

There are many places in Berlin I haven't seen yet and I will definitely go back more than once in the future. I have a feeling that this city is going to be one of my favourites among London and my own hometown Zurich, because it is so different from those two, still searching its very own personality.

Remember: My Birthday is coming up in twelve days, yeah.

- I promise

I know I haven't written in ages and I have only to blame myself for it. I am not really busy at the time, so much time to spare and the only thing that is stressing me out is if I should wake up before ten or if should I sleep in. Again. I have that certain feeling, if I sleep longer than ten o'clock I would do nothing productive or active for the rest of the day and I end up watching a whole season of a series that I do not even like.
When it is time for dinner and my parents ask what I did the hole day, I have to pretend I did not hear them asking, they would forget anyways after my brother rescued me, or I say that I wrote so much for my blog, which I... did not really do.
Well I did, I have a lot of drafts, but I do not feel like finishing them off and publishing them. Certainly I am to lazy and in the end I feel guilty for not putting anything up on to my blog.
Although in the end that is something I do only for myself and I told myself that I won't give ip on this thing to fast.
So from now on, my dear Rag-Bag, I shall take a little bit more care of you and update at least once a week until the end of summer. - I promise

Oh and before I forget, my birthday is in sixteen days, that's the daily reminder to everyone.